Bee’s Musings

Since I’ve had a cough for a couple of weeks, I decided to get some cough syrup a couple of days ago. I got some lovely stuff that was 2x the strength of most of the rest of the stuff. It did nothing for me except make me feel loopy. So last night my mom went to the store and came home with 3 kinds of cough medicine. One of them is called a “Cough Mixture.” Its about 1/3 of the strength of the loopy stuff, so I decided it was probably safe for work.

That stuff tastes NASTY. I didn’t expect it to taste like a soda or candy. But this was like drinking Vapo-Rub. It was so bad that I actually re-read the bottle to make sure that I was supposed to take it internally. Now, 45 minutes later it still burns.

I think I liked the cough better.

I’ve started going back and listening to some music that I used to listen to back in late high school and early college - things that remind me of a different time in my life. Today it was Savage Garden. The song that stuck out is “I Don’t Know You Anymore” - keep reading for the lyrics.

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I’ve heard a fair number of guys lately say “I wish I could find a girl like you.” Well, newsflash guys… you found me. Here I am. Single. Available. Not Attached, as one of my t-shirts says.

I don’t really know what it is that makes me so appealing to these guys. I’ve been told its because I’m the kind of girl you can bring home to Mom. I’m “marriage material.” And guys in my age group are supposedly ready to settle down and get married. (No, that doesn’t mean that I am. That’s not what I’m looking for. If it happens, that’s fine, but its not what I’m seeking out.)
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“ At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. ”

- Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965)

My uncle died last Wednesday. He was 80. I didn’t know until I read his obituary that his middle name was Dee. I do know that the last time I saw him he was in the hospital, and he hated the hospital food - so I went to the gift shop and bought him jelly beans.

None of the family called us right away to tell us that he died. My aunt called on Sunday when she felt up to it - she was in the hospital herself. The funeral is tomorrow (Tuesday). So, being the kind of family that Mom and I are, we drove up to see my aunt and go to the funeral.

Its a funny thing about death. I usually think that it brings families together as they share the memories of their loved one. In this case, its not doing that. The family is still divided over some feud that nobody knows exactly what it is. Its got to be something silly that has just been blown out of proportion. The truth is, I’m not much into funerals. I prefer to remember the person as they were when they were alive. Funerals aren’t for the dead. They’re for the living. Most of the time it seems like its a competition to see who can be the saddest, even when the person who is gone is truly in a better place.

I think I’ll always think of Uncle John when I think of Jelly Beans.

Is happiness really a destination? Or is it a journey? Either way, why is it something that so many seek and so few seem to find? Everyone seems to have these ideas of what will make them happy, but once they have it, it doesn’t seem like they really are.

I’m sure I’ll elaborate on this subject at some point, I just needed to throw the question out there to the wide world to see if an answer comes back….

If happiness is what we really want, why is it so hard to find?

“Depend upon yourself. Make your judgement trustworthy by trusting it. You can develop good judgement as you do the muscles of your body - by judicious, daily exercise. To be known as a man of sound judgement will be much in your favor.”

- Grantland Rice (1880 - 1954)

I don’t like fluorescent lights very much. I find that by the end of the day with them I have an unfortunate and unhappy headache. Plus since my office has 1 pane of window, I get some natural light which I much prefer over the fluorescents. So, when I moved into this office, I unscrewed the lightbulbs. (The thing you have to keep in mind here is that my office doesn’t just have a nice convenient light switch to use whenever my office is too dark. All of the offices in my suite, including the hallways are on the same switch. So every morning, on it goes.)

I’ve also kept the blinds to my window open. The windows were recently cleaned and I prefer an unadulterated view of the traffic at the intersection that’s outside my window. Some days I even get to watch firetrucks go by! (I’m too far away to see the firemen, however…) Since my window faces south, I don’t have to worry about blinding morning or afternoon sun. Just nice gentle
rays of sunshine to brighten my day.

When I got to work this morning, one of the florescent bulbs had been turned back on in my office, and my blinds were shut. My first impulse was to kick off my shoes and climb up on my desk and unscrew the damn thing. But, I decided to give it a chance. I also took it as a good reason to rearrange my office a bit. I moved my standing files off of my desk, and moved the bookshelf away from the window that looks into the hallway. I now get some more lovely florescent lighting, and I get to see who walks by. I’m a little excited to see what some of my friendly coworkers do now that they can make faces at me through a window too.

New day… new opportunity. At least that’s what I tell myself.